Counting days and down to earth

Hi readers.

Just as what the title says, i'm counting down and getting back to reality. The dreadful day is finally here. 2 and a half day to be exact.

Part of me is nervous, scared, and there is a little tiny weeny bit of me is excited. New challenges and new obstacles are bound to come. And as if i'm alright with it, the world don't. They hate me to disrupt my dream. *here we go again*... fine. I ain't want to touch that topic anyway.

And to mend my dream a bit, just a bit, i want to see if there is this singing club or maybe dancing club ( wtf! I cant even dance and sing well... but i do dance and sing in shower.. that count right??? )
Yeah that might mend my broken heart a bit before society ends me 2 years later.

Just as you know, i am very extremely sensitive and emotional. I ain't being called girly and cry baby for no reason. And i wonder why people even bother to care and tease when others are in a miserable stat. That is just so immoral. Like u drop ur ice cream and i step on it and eat mine in front of your face. You like that huh? I just somehow cannot understand how these people think. Making fun of others is ther specialty??? Well.. maybe..

Everything's gonna be alright. I know I know. I experienced before. Remember i went for a 6 months internship in Sinagapore alone too? Yup. I can manage. But only this time it includes a big sacrifice. My dream job. Just so to satisfy my family. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I feel so bad for myself as i cant even get myself what i want. Like fight for it. That is all bullshit. When your current condition don't allowed you to, no matter how hard you fought for it, you'llnever get what you want. Unless there is miracle.

And oh, someone told me "miracles do happen, jusy keep believing."
And then i was like "am i suppose to? I believe in them then and it breaks me."

Dream is always and forever beautiful. It forms and becomes whatever you want and how you want it. You are free. Free from restriction. Free from constriction. You don't need facade. You are just momentarily you. That is why it is beautiful.

Call me stupid for saying that means you are trap under the curse of the society, unable to dream happy dreams. It is partially true, hands up and agree with me. Society changes people.
Not to say everyone is evil and bad. But u get the hang of it. We watch out for every step we take. Never look back. They told me. Never.ever.look.back.

At first i never understand what does it really means. But as time goes by, i get a hang of it and i realise i should never have look back.
Depression and regrets is what attack you first. Even though u got succession in the past but those will get overshadowed by those mistakes and things you regret you have had done. It is a dark path behind you. That's why there is always this saying "there is no turning back" ....

Why am i even saying all these? Yeah yeah. I am not some counselor. Just i feel like sharing.since this is a blog and it was meant to share thoughts and feelings.

Got a surprise for ya!!!

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Ithink

I

Crushed

On
My
Friend...

Oooops.....

Yup. Ooops. Friendzone. Yup. No turning back. Imma gonna be the best friend and wish and walk with this friend till the days we are going to break apart. I will always be there to support... i just hope our blossoming friendship last long. :) i'm not sad. Just surprise that i actually manage to crush on this friend. Too sudden and the urge is still strong. Hahahaha.. pathetic.. lets just stay friends and since there is no forever, then let us stay friends as long as we can manage. :)

Worst feeling ever huh!? But i am getting use to it. I've crushed few times before it is nothing new. So don't worry.. maybe it'll go way after a few years.. let us all hug and make peace.

Wish me luck...

Love.,
rom
Xoxo

Born this way

Hi readers!!

Recently i have been a bit unstable. I got moodswings a lot and i am not even a girl with pms *no pun intended*

I just feel so down whenever some song started playing...
Or some scene on tv or stories i read...
This little things can get me to be so down the whole day... sometimes even when waking up the next day it still somehow remains.

I know one of the reasons why am i being like this.
But that reason is just so private till i myself do not have the courage to open up.

In this world and era, those kind of thoughts are acceptable based on races and thoughts. It isnt safe to just expose nakedly to the world.. you have to be well prepared when trying to let the world know.. so it is that big matter.. i am worried sick...

I know this post seems random and very unorganized because one moment i am talking bout this and the next moment about that....

But you are still reading though.. thank you.

I might post up the reason one day though.. i will let everyone know. I have to sure that i am ready... hmmmm...

I sometimes wonder if i am born to be this way becaus ei have had realised this when i am in grade 4 in secondary school... i think this is kind of obvious to what i am refering already... but please do not point out for me.... thanks ...

I will write more these coming days.
Miss me not!
Xoxo

Explaination bla bla bla

Aloha... dear readers....

So i am here to do some freaking explaination about my post yesterday.
It seems that there is someone who misunderstood about it.
Sigh...... i was just letting out my frustration okay!?
For your information i am not going to remove the post.

Do you even know how hard is it to keep all those emotions from being frustrated to being happy so long inside you and no one to talk to!?
I bet you don't ...
I am not saying that you are too good for whatever it is, but i kind of envy you for being able to talk to someone so easily about your inner thoughts.

Please do not misunderstand me. I mean no harm, no means of causing any trouble.
The feeling of trying to be strong in front of people and the truth is that i am really scared. I trembled sometimes. Sure i would not want others to see that side of me but surely there are people who knew. And i am thankful that they dont make fun of me. Phewww~~

I know there are a lot of silent readers here. And hey! I am thankful for that. And i know some even followed me on twitter and instagram. Kekekeke....

Owh okay back to the topic..

Its not like i have no one to talk to. It is just that i am scared they cant accept for who i really am.. they are just that kind and type from what i observed...
Telling them will only be a dare in life.. its like a 50/50 situation. Its either they accept or reject you.
Of course everyone hope for acceptance. Me too. But but but..... there is always this hint of rejection that causes you to believe that they will reject for who you are.

What can i do?let the time decide when it is the right time to tell?
HMMMMMMMMMM..... :(

I have no idea...

Till here i write..

Thanks for reading.
Xoxo

My trust

Hi everyone...
It had been a while since i updated.
Today topic, we will talk about my trust to my friends.

This is gomna be a touchy topic. I am sure that few of them will be reading this. And i am aware that i am putting myself in what kind of situation. But i cannot care much anymore. I cannot bottled up more of these emotions anymore. It hurts facing reality.

I realised that although i knew alot of people, but i am only sticking out with just a few of them.
2 totally different gangs actually.
One gang where i have to be a calm person, and the other gang where i can show my colors.

Being with the group where i have to be calm is sometimes tiring. Chat topics are so limited. In the group, i feel so leftout sometimes because they do things i think it is not rational and some are just plain stupid. I have no power to voice out because i am the only one that opposed. I dont dislike them. I just cannot really cope with their footsteps. It seems like that they are on a boat and i am on the other trying to tie two boats together on a stormy rain out in the sea. Everything is not stable. We can be full of topics and suddenly we would even split into sub groups. I just dont know if it is alright to just start distaning myself.
But there is this one person which i consider and make as my most important person. I care about that person alot. And i am just worried about that person every single time.

~~sigh ~~

The second group will be where i can really shine as me, myself. Its like i dont have to be tense being with them. They dont judge me for who i am. They talk about things i can mix myself in. They do things that i can participate. Its just all good things happened here. Most. There will be times where they do things that i cant take part but they will really tell me in advance or warn me first.

.....

I am tired of all this. Being so dramatic. I am sensitive. Some wouldnt know and never will know. Seeming that distaning myself will be the best solution out there, for me, for everyone.

I have been observing everyone of them very closely without beeing noticed. And hell i even jotted down sometimes. Its just kind of upsetting seeing the results. So far only 3 are able to reach certain higher levels and gain more trust from me. And i wanted them to reach the highest level as soon as possible. I have a lot to tell. So please. I am pathetic i know. I really know.

Besides that, when we are growing up, our bonds tends to tighten. That is only if we grew up together. But why!? Why is that we are breaking and now hanging loosely?
Or am i being delusional? Can i cry? Or should i laugh about it?
I know what you think about me. No, more like i understand how you all think.
Sometimes i even wonder that why am i even bornmand why am i living this shitty life where all i wanted was like the opposites. It is not about what i need and wants. It is about the upside down of my life. It was not supposed to be this way. I just dont understand.

Can you feel my frustration? Can you?

I am a loner in real life. I tends to hide myself. I am not confident enough. I am not manly build enough. I tends to get laugh a lot. And yeah like i said i am very very sensitive.

I dont know if there will even be people who would really give a shit to really know me.
And that is when i hope that one day i will be able to tell you all of my bottled up files of secrets. From darkest and to the core of me. Bringing you to the island of secrets within me.

I am sorry for babbling so much and if this post hurt you, please forgive me.

Thank you for reading......
Xoxo.

Crush no more.

You are never mine to start with.
I envy you, i admire you, but,
We are not fated to be.

We were strangers to begin with.
One who would never care.

Someday we became friends.
Not more, never less, just friends.
We are just not meant to be more than friend.

Attracted to how you observe the world,
The way you would speak,
Your figure would always shadow me,
Your footsteps printed on my heart.
You never know..

Maybe you never know how i feel,
Maybe you never considered me before,
Maybe i am really just a friend.
To start with maybe, my heart long for hopes.

Silent night, lonely night,
When came rain, i solemn.
Midnight came, i'm wide awake,
When i close my eyes, i see your face.

You my angel have yet seen me,
For i hope i'll be your side one day,
As day passed and i've realized,
That we were never meant to be.
Never meant to be....