About Me

My photo
Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia
I myself think that I'm nice. You don't and never assume you yourself as bad guy right? make sense... I'm friendly. <3 But I'm the shy type. I don't really open up to people I just met if we ever do meet~ Anyway, nice meeting you all!!





So here are some of the photos that I collage ...

A/N : We had 3 shoots at the same location so that's why 3 different sets of outfits.

I am the one in
- denim top
- orange color (CHOSE RAINBOW BECAUSE EVEN though 7 different colors but still they are together as one)
- white color top with scarf on my hand


this is more like BTS shot~ LOL



yet another~ as you can see others are a mess behind me. -_-

And yeah , I will try collage more and post it up here in the future~ -_-
and read my previous post! THANK YOU!



Current fears, worries, & issues

HI dear readers.

I'm here to let my heart out.

I have been paranoid and worrying over some issues since last week and I am currently in a some what bad condition.

I am going to have my internship in Singapore this coming Tuesday(20/08/13) for 6 months long.

I am scared and literally scared. I am paranoid and I have not been eating properly. I am so down that I don't even really smile when I am at home, unless you take me out cause I really needed fresh air.

When I am out from home, I feel more relieved and I don't think so much. All those thoughts of things that are possible to happen kept flashing through my mind. I just can't stop it. I am frustrated too. 

6 months seems long, 25 weeks seems fast. but they are the same thing. I just hope that everything goes smoothly and time pass by fast. like super fast. After that, then I will be back here.

I really do hope that everything will like pass by without me knowing much. And as mush as I work, I hope I have time to actually go online and not be like someone who get off work late and back home and sleep. I don't want that. 

I know it is gonna be tough for people are employing us. 6 months. Please pray for me and my friends. I don't ask for much. I just want everything to be okay and smooth, safe and time flies.

What is on my mind right now??

The worst thing that I fear most is something I have no idea what am I worrying about. It's just there that makes me hard to breath, I can cry anytime,and I have no mood.

Like every time when I am down, I used to listen to music. But now, I can't even play those musics that i like so much, because they remind me of those times I am at home. carefree.
Yes! main problem is that I am gonna be so HOMESICK. I will definitely miss my mum. 

Another thing, it would be the colleagues and Housemate. yes, we are sharing apartment with others. I really do hope that my colleagues and housemates are friendly and nice people. People who are willing to teach and accept us. (LORD GOD, PLEASE HELP ME)

I know time flies, but it was before, I have no idea if I will have that feeling of time flying so fast when I am there in Singapore. Singapore is a safe country, I know that, but it is still a foreign country for me. I mean I have been there a lot a lot of times but This will ever be my first time going there ALOE for 6 MONTHS for WORK.

I know some of you might laugh at me even before you read till here, but I am just scared.

I have safe issues. I am insecure. 

But think about my 3 months in Selangor alone. I managed to overcome too.

I was being assigned to the army camp in SELANGOR for 3 months and I went alone. NO friends nothing.
I managed to survived 3 months without internet in the jungle. Waking up at 5.30A.M to freshen up before fall in for morning exercise. (I overcome lack of sleep)

I managed to stay in a dorm of 30 people in a room(cause it was an army camp) which I do not and didn't have any idea who are they for 3 months and I managed to survived either. (I overcome the fear of trust)

I've never been in to Selangor before. That was my first time there and 3 months for a first timer was longer than expected. Time in there passed by so much slower. What I did there was pray and wrote diary. 
The day never ended fast and it was mostly filled with drama. DRAMA as in things happening. mostly bad things because some teammates just can't think. 

I still remember the moment I was at the airport, I bid my parents goodbye and to board the plane, I never once turned back and bid them good bye for the second time, and they understood why. WHY!? I might cry even harder. I am a homely guy. Well mostly because I have safety issues like I said before, insecure. 

EVERYTHING THAT HAS PASSED! I OVERCOME!! i am sure I can make it this time but a small part of me is still scared. that's why this post was created. I felt so much better after writing the flashback part. 

- "My friend told me that I was never weak, from the time he knew me till now. He said I am a fighter, I am myself, I am someone who knows how to fight on my own way. I might not look strong on the outside, but I have my way to achieve things. "

Know what?  I cried even harder after hearing that fro my friend. But in a good way. Those words really soothed me. It feels like someone is finally here lending you his shoulder. I am glad that there was people who actually cared about my pathetic excuses of life.


SO yeah, it will be nice if you pray for e and my friend who are having internships too. Pray that everything goes smoothly, everything is fine, everyone is safe and sound, and the day we reunite it will gonna be he best day of my life. 

The truth is that, I am gonna miss my parents so much, miss home, miss my friend...

NEW ADVENTURE ahead of me, I know it must be the obstacles of life that people said. It must be something that I must overcome. I KNOW I CAN DO IT! i really want full faith in myself but I will try to build up the other half of it.

****Lord god, Please hear me, I hope that my employer will be someone nice and understanding and colleagues are nice and understanding as well. Send your Guardian Angel guide me and my friends who are in other countries having internships as well.May all of us be safe and good condition. The moments there will be something that we should remember and take it as example for our life as it will be our first step. Let us have enough rest each day. I know that enough rest are not really possible sometimes. Amen.****

May my journey begins~~


(I will try to update when i have time, I can make use of my blog as a diary too)... 


I lied

Ooooh ma gawd.. so i lied about updating those photo shoot albums...

Nope actually i am not lying... it was like i cant post it because they dnt allowed.. -_-
But i am posting those i make collage.. it is basically the same only a tad bit smaller... hahah...





EXPECT a major updates of me and my teammates normal album shoot soon~

we are crazy. we know. but it was all for remembrance. Since we are leaving college soon~ so yeah major updates tomorrow~ :3


Born this way

Hi readers!!

Recently i have been a bit unstable. I got moodswings a lot and i am not even a girl with pms *no pun intended*

I just feel so down whenever some song started playing...
Or some scene on tv or stories i read...
This little things can get me to be so down the whole day... sometimes even when waking up the next day it still somehow remains.

I know one of the reasons why am i being like this.
But that reason is just so private till i myself do not have the courage to open up.

In this world and era, those kind of thoughts are acceptable based on races and thoughts. It isnt safe to just expose nakedly to the world.. you have to be well prepared when trying to let the world know.. so it is that big matter.. i am worried sick...

I know this post seems random and very unorganized because one moment i am talking bout this and the next moment about that....

But you are still reading though.. thank you.

I might post up the reason one day though.. i will let everyone know. I have to sure that i am ready... hmmmm...

I sometimes wonder if i am born to be this way becaus ei have had realised this when i am in grade 4 in secondary school... i think this is kind of obvious to what i am refering already... but please do not point out for me.... thanks ...

I will write more these coming days.
Miss me not!


Explaination bla bla bla

Aloha... dear readers....

So i am here to do some freaking explaination about my post yesterday.
It seems that there is someone who misunderstood about it.
Sigh...... i was just letting out my frustration okay!?
For your information i am not going to remove the post.

Do you even know how hard is it to keep all those emotions from being frustrated to being happy so long inside you and no one to talk to!?
I bet you don't ...
I am not saying that you are too good for whatever it is, but i kind of envy you for being able to talk to someone so easily about your inner thoughts.

Please do not misunderstand me. I mean no harm, no means of causing any trouble.
The feeling of trying to be strong in front of people and the truth is that i am really scared. I trembled sometimes. Sure i would not want others to see that side of me but surely there are people who knew. And i am thankful that they dont make fun of me. Phewww~~

I know there are a lot of silent readers here. And hey! I am thankful for that. And i know some even followed me on twitter and instagram. Kekekeke....

Owh okay back to the topic..

Its not like i have no one to talk to. It is just that i am scared they cant accept for who i really am.. they are just that kind and type from what i observed...
Telling them will only be a dare in life.. its like a 50/50 situation. Its either they accept or reject you.
Of course everyone hope for acceptance. Me too. But but but..... there is always this hint of rejection that causes you to believe that they will reject for who you are.

What can i do?let the time decide when it is the right time to tell?

I have no idea...

Till here i write..

Thanks for reading.


My trust

Hi everyone...
It had been a while since i updated.
Today topic, we will talk about my trust to my friends.
This is gomna be a touchy topic. I am sure that few of them will be reading this. And i am aware that i am putting myself in what kind of situation. But i cannot care much anymore. I cannot bottled up more of these emotions anymore. It hurts facing reality.
I realised that although i knew alot of people, but i am only sticking out with just a few of them.
2 totally different gangs actually.
One gang where i have to be a calm person, and the other gang where i can show my colors.
Being with the group where i have to be calm is sometimes tiring. Chat topics are so limited. In the group, i feel so leftout sometimes because they do things i think it is not rational and some are just plain stupid. I have no power to voice out because i am the only one that opposed. I dont dislike them. I just cannot really cope with their footsteps. It seems like that they are on a boat and i am on the other trying to tie two boats together on a stormy rain out in the sea. Everything is not stable. We can be full of topics and suddenly we would even split into sub groups. I just dont know if it is alright to just start distaning myself.
But there is this one person which i consider and make as my most important person. I care about that person alot. And i am just worried about that person every single time.
~~sigh ~~
The second group will be where i can really shine as me, myself. Its like i dont have to be tense being with them. They dont judge me for who i am. They talk about things i can mix myself in. They do things that i can participate. Its just all good things happened here. Most. There will be times where they do things that i cant take part but they will really tell me in advance or warn me first.
I am tired of all this. Being so dramatic. I am sensitive. Some wouldnt know and never will know. Seeming that distaning myself will be the best solution out there, for me, for everyone.
I have been observing everyone of them very closely without beeing noticed. And hell i even jotted down sometimes. Its just kind of upsetting seeing the results. So far only 3 are able to reach certain higher levels and gain more trust from me. And i wanted them to reach the highest level as soon as possible. I have a lot to tell. So please. I am pathetic i know. I really know.
Besides that, when we are growing up, our bonds tends to tighten. That is only if we grew up together. But why!? Why is that we are breaking and now hanging loosely?
Or am i being delusional? Can i cry? Or should i laugh about it?
I know what you think about me. No, more like i understand how you all think.
Sometimes i even wonder that why am i even bornmand why am i living this shitty life where all i wanted was like the opposites. It is not about what i need and wants. It is about the upside down of my life. It was not supposed to be this way. I just dont understand.
Can you feel my frustration? Can you?
I am a loner in real life. I tends to hide myself. I am not confident enough. I am not manly build enough. I tends to get laugh a lot. And yeah like i said i am very very sensitive.
I dont know if there will even be people who would really give a shit to really know me.
And that is when i hope that one day i will be able to tell you all of my bottled up files of secrets. From darkest and to the core of me. Bringing you to the island of secrets within me.
I am sorry for babbling so much and if this post hurt you, please forgive me.
Thank you for reading......


EXO official event

Hello there!!!

There is this official event from SM ENTERTAIMENT STAFF & EXO THEMSELVES...







EXO Comeback

HI readers! I know I have not been update for a long time.
and here I am. UPDATES!

The King of Rookie K-pop(Korean pop) group is going to have a comeback on the 30th May 2013.
That will be their comeback stage, and their full music video will also be release on that day(30th MAY)
at 5 ~ 6 pm (KST).
Physical album will release on 3rd JUNE 2013.

This will be thei first album with 10 songs, 4 songs from their debut teasers (baby don't cry, black pear, let out the beast, my lady)
Their title track "WOLF" (늑대와 미녀) will be an upbeat hip hop and some dub step element in it, its quite wild and heaty. so do anticipate a lot from them.

DO vote for them at MNET
*create an account and vote for them during their performances and also vote for them every 24hrs*

And also preordered for their album are now available.
get them on or other online music shops.
I-tunes, Genie, Soribada, .....etc will be available after album release.

The album was name "XOXO - Kiss & Hug"
Kiss for Korean version
Hug for Chinese version

tracklist as below.

Track List:
CD (Kiss Ver.) Korean
01. 늑대와 미녀 (Wolf) 
02. Baby, Don't Cry (인어의 눈물) 
03. Black Pearl 
04. 나비소녀 (Don't Go) 
05. Let Out The Beast 
06. 3.6.5 
07. Heart Attack 
08. 피터팬 (Peter Pan) 
09. Baby 
10. My Lady 
11. 늑대와 미녀 (Wolf) (EXO-K Ver.) 
12. 늑대와 미녀 (Wolf) (Chinese Ver.) 

CD (Hug Ver.) Mandarin
01. 狼与美女 (Wolf) 
02. Baby, Don't Cry (人鱼的眼泪) 
03. Black Pearl 
04. 蝴蝶少女 (Don't Go) 
05. Let Out The Beast 
06. 3.6.5 
07. Heart Attack 
08. 彼得潘 (Peter Pan) 
09. Baby (第一步) 
10. My Lady 
11. 狼与美女 (Wolf) (EXO-M Ver.) 
12. 狼与美女 (Wolf) (Korean Ver.)


EXO official SMTOWN website:

All the photos and images below are from the official websites. Members HQ photos can be download from there as SME prepared a rar. file for fans to Download.

*DO note that photos below are arranged according to time released*
*photos of members are labelled as : group name_birth name_aka_stage name*







EXO-K_Kim Jongin_aka_KAI

EXO-K_Kim JoonMyun_aka_Suho (Leader)

EXO-K_Do KyungSoo_aka_D.O

EXO-M_Zhang Yixing_aka_Lay

EXO-K_Oh Sehun (Maknae)
*stage name same as birth name*

EXO-K_Byun Baekhyun
*stage name same as birth name*

EXO-M_Wu Yi Fan_aka_Kris(Leader)

EXO-K_Park ChanYeol
*stage name same as birth name*

*stage name same as birth name*

EXO-M_Kim Minseok_aka_Xiu Min

EXO-M_Huang Zi Tao_aka_Tao (Maknae)

EXO-M_Kim Jong Dae_aka_Chen



Below are the teasers .
*Do note that teasers are arranged according to date released*

Teaser video from SMTOWN youtube webpage:

EXO_늑대와 미녀 (Wolf)_Music Video Teaser

EXO_The 1st Album 'XOXO (Kiss&Hug)'_Highlight Medley (Korean ver.)

EXO_The 1st Album 'XOXO (Kiss&Hug)'_Highlight Medley (Chinese ver.)

EXO_늑대와 미녀 (Wolf)_Music Video Teaser 2 (Korean ver.)

EXO_늑대와 미녀 (Wolf)_Music Video Teaser 2 (Chinese ver.)

Stay tune for more updates regarding EXO.

Thanks for reading.



A Boy's Life is a fanfic surrounding Luhan and Sehun from EXO.

Please do give it some support~~

It's is the author first try and i am helping to promote~

Thank yo~

all you need to do is
-signup for a AFF account and subscribe and comment on the story~

it is now in chapter one and the author will update chapter 2 soon~

THank you once again~


Crush no more.

You are never mine to start with.
I envy you, i admire you, but,
We are not fated to be.

We were strangers to begin with.
One who would never care.

Someday we became friends.
Not more, never less, just friends.
We are just not meant to be more than friend.

Attracted to how you observe the world,
The way you would speak,
Your figure would always shadow me,
Your footsteps printed on my heart.
You never know..

Maybe you never know how i feel,
Maybe you never considered me before,
Maybe i am really just a friend.
To start with maybe, my heart long for hopes.

Silent night, lonely night,
When came rain, i solemn.
Midnight came, i'm wide awake,
When i close my eyes, i see your face.

You my angel have yet seen me,
For i hope i'll be your side one day,
As day passed and i've realized,
That we were never meant to be.
Never meant to be....